I was struggling, a lot.
I was suffering, too much.
For almost a year, a fckin year, I've to deal with this.

Shook you?

I still clearly remember how it feels, for the first time.
Actually, I had it recovered for about two months, but now they're back.
Those of you who haven't experienced it, you won't be able to imagine it. How difficult is it for me to struggle, how tortured I fight myself.
They're big and strong, while I am small, weak, and alone. I don't have someone to tell, someone to ask for help, because I was afraid of their judgment and views. Even from someone who's close to me, I choose to save it for myself.

So when I thought I was cured, I was very happy.
I thought I'm clean.
But now they're back. The monsters, it's bigger. And stronger.
They're coming with their friends, it called 'self-harm'

I'm sorry,
I'm relapsing.
I'm weak.
So many things triggered me so much and I just can't take it.

I can't even tell my bf because she's one of the triggers.
I can't tell anyone. I have no one.

I lose my bf.
My ed is coming back,
as a form of self-harm.
Anxiety. Guilt. Sadness.
Can things get worse?

------------

I can't believe I've been dealing with this for a whole year but now with you as the trigger.
And I just can't tell you even though I'm dying to.
You have left me. And I don't want you to come back at me just because you are pitying me or feel forced.
I should've seen this coming right from the start. And I really should let you go. And you shouldn't turn back.
Because from the first, it has been my fault.