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I really want to tell you what happened.
Really, I swear.

But, how could I?
"I've had eating disorders for almost a year, and I've managed to fight it and got it two months recovered, but now they're back as a form of self-harm and you're the trigger"

How could, I?
If I was meant to fall, I won't grab your hand and bring you together even if you're the one who made me end like this.

I just love you so much and I won't do that selfish-kind of things.

----
No, I didn't mean to blame you. You didn't do anything wrong.
I just feel yesterday I hurt you so bad and I deserved to be hurt too.

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I always been an average girl. Oh let me clear it up, I thought it's below than average? I'm not beautiful. I've got pimples all over my face. I'm not skinny. I've got many fat around the bodies. I'm not easy-going. I don't like interact with many people. I'm not smart. But I'm not that dumb lol. fuck off.
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To be honest, aku sama sekali ngga nyangka masalah kemaren bakal besar banget impactnya ke aku. You should have known I spent a whole week crying. Aku yang batu dan engga crybaby gini, ga bisa berhenti nangisin kamu. Masih kok sekarang, kadang kalo keinget random bisa nangis sendiri. I even cried when attending my friend's thesis presentation. Di pojok belakang, aku nangis. I saw your tweets. Kamu tau, selepas aku baca itu, aku nangis di rumah. Semaleman aku nangis, padahal besoknya aku harus berangkat ke luar kota. Tiket PP udah pesen, hotel udah book, udah bikin list mau ngapain aja di sana, but in the end, H-2 jam, I've decided not to leave. Spent the nights crying, my body's aching, my eyes got swollen, my mind is insane, how could I leave? Bangun dari kasur aja gabisa. I disappointed my friends there. I disappointed my self too. It has been almost two months I stopped throwing up my self. Tp udah sejak 2 minggu kemaren, I'm doing that disgusting thing ag...
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